Well, folks, we’ve finally found a way to get through all of those annoying Antifa protests who clog the middle of the road and stop you from getting to work or taking your pregnant wife to the hospital… All you have to do is buy yourself this new military-grad SUV, complete with pepper spray guns and electrified door handles. I mean, if that doesn’t deter communists, I don’t know what will… and no, we’re not kidding, this is a real SUV and if you’ve got half a million or so laying around, it can be all yours!
Futurism reported that the California carmaker Rezvani has come up with a genuinely apocalyptic military-grade SUV that can pepper spray, electrify, and blind passersby.
The Batmobile-like monstrosity, dubbed the Rezvani Vengeance, is a heavily modified Cadillac Escalade SUV that’s decked out with a preposterous number of military features that only the evilest of evil supervillains could possibly make use of.
Equipped with the company’s “military package,” it can detect the electromagnetic pulses from nuclear weapons or put up a literal smoke screen. It also features explosive underbody shielding and electrified door handles to shake off would-be attackers — and that’s not even all.
Let’s be very clear: Rezvani isn’t a military contractor — this abomination, which costs anywhere between $285,000 and $499,000 depending on options, is actually meant to be driven on public roads.
In short, it’s the ultimate version of the kind of vehicle that’s already proving to be the most lethal on the road today — and that’s without pepper spray or blinding strobes.
The brutal vehicle has drawn a wide range of reactions.
“Your kids will love that it was styled by a video-game designer,” TikTok reviewer Mobile Mama said in a now-viral video. “Is the Rezvani Vengeance the safest vehicle for you and your kiddos or what?”
Others had a far more cynical take on the rolling road safety hazard, with some imagining the sheer chaos the Vengeance could cause in everyday use.
“Misfiring the unlock button at after school pickup and pepper spraying my kids from the side mirrors as they’re zapped by the electrified door handles I left armed,” joked reporter Eoin Higgins on Twitter.
“Please, please tell me this is a bit,” another user replied.
No, sorry, it’s real, and it sounds like a pretty cool and really safe ride in capable hands.
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